Attachment and Love

Well, here I am again, trying to share some light, I’m still walking in the dark, of course, like 99.99% of human beings, but when my readings and daily meditation brings me some light, I come here for try to share it, I think to try it is worthy.

Attachment and pain

Lately I have had two bad days, in psychological sense: I have felt without energy, bad sleeping, etc. Today I have recovered enough energy for analyze the reasons and meditate about them. It was attachment, ultimately. When we are strong attached to a person, and this person suffers a lot, or attack us, or even worse, both, we suffer; this is the very result of to be attached: dependency. Attachment needs to receive: attention, care, kindness, help, etc. If we don’t receive some of this “needs”, pain is the result. This is well known for Buddhist followers, at least in theory. But today I have discovered a bit more about it.

Subconsciously attached

Which is the relationship between love and attachment? Can we love without attachment? The contrary is easy: we can have attachment without love, for example, attachment to a social position, to money, etc, is not love at all. But, what we can say about love without attachment? Intellectually, I already had the answer: true love is independent of any attachment. I read about it some years ago, and I agree since then. But, subconsciously, I still have had the thought: love needs attachment by definition! The key word here is: subconsciously. Indeed, while these bad days happened, my mental state was semi-unconscious, I didn’t realize it while I was there, but now I’m full awake (or more awake) and I can see it.This thought is strongly … attached in my mind too!. Lasting thoughts are condensed energy, and are also physically related to some neural circuits in our brains, we can say they are wired in our brains. If, additionally, they are related to unconscious mind, then they are really difficult to be erased. Indeed, I think, like many other people that believe in reincarnation, these thoughts can survive the dead of the body, so we carry them life after life: they are part of us in many lives, until we overcome them.

Removing unconscious attachment

Is in the human nature to search love with a great deal of selfish attachment. Indeed, many people can’t understand love without attachment. The contrary of attachment, detachment, sounds callous, unfeeling: love with detachment can’t be love! many people say. Searching a more accurate definition, I have found it in the book “Conquest of mind – Eknath Easwaran”, (by the way, a very recommendable book). Following it: in Sanskrit there are two different words related to love concept: Prema and Kama. Prema is pure love, detached one: the lover only wants the happiness of the beloved, no more. On the other side we have Kama: attached love, self-centered, even with romantic tones, in which “I love you” really means “You pleased me, so I want you beside me”. Is a very very common mistake to think only exists Kama, but true love is Prema. As I said before, this concept was clear for me since time ago, but until now I didn’t realize how much the contrary concept is wired in my unconscious mind. There are a  work here: patiently, during meditation, we can present the true to our unconscious, saying: “see you? the old concept is wrong, true love is detached, detached love is possible, and we have been wrong for ages, now is time to fix the error”. We must talk with our unconscious like we talk with a little child: patiently, clearly, kindly, honestly; eventually the new thought will replace the old, and then our mind will have only one thought, not two like now: the conscious one and the unconscious one, the intellectual one and the deep one.

Measuring the successful

We must be able to love when things are going our way and also when things are not going our way, this is an excellent test for measure our kind of love. Is difficult, true, because we are thinking, in our deep unconscious, the contrary. But the reward is great: a person who can love in any circumstance is a tremendously secure person, and a very loving one. Is a person who even if you try to offend him, you can’t, and he will always wanting to help you, without conditions. He have a kind of freedom: he love, in any circumstance. He can enjoy the love even with unpleasant people! Nobody can stop their love. Can you imagine it? As always, comments will be well received 🙂


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