Just finished the reading of this post, “Rewriting the story of my life“, of Kadampa Life. The author explains how damaging can be our ideas about how must be our life. I have felt identified with their story, and I think is a nice writing.
As she says: “When we are attached to someone, we can and often do make up this mental fiction: “I am dependent on them for my happiness.” Well, attached to someone, or to a life style, or to a success career, or so on. This was my case: a rigid idea about how must be, and what must have. This idea was mixed, entangled with my ego, that is, with my idea of myself. So, when the reality contradicts the idea, the ego feels reduced, denied, in such way it can appear depressions and even death wish.
I have written before in this blog about this feelings, and the death of the ego. For me, is a process, not an abrupt change. Still there are remaining thoughts that must be dissolve. I think thoughts are energy, that need time for dissolve.
That’s why some days ago my mind rambled, imagining how would be my life if I’d had such a thing or such other. Although my old desires have dissolved, still remains some of this thoughts in my mind, because I fed them for years. When my level of awareness is low, such thoughts arise. When I recover the awareness, I ignore the thought.
But, last week something different happened. While those thoughts crossed my mind, an inspired one arose as an answer:
But, even if I had had all that, I still would be the same one
Of course, I had heard before quotes such as “we are not what we have”, and I was agree. But this time it was a deeper understanding. It was not related only to material possessions, but to all: professional career, friendship, marriage, etc. All the things that are our life, in this short time seemed to me accessory because all of them together can’t change my real self. I’m always the same through all the life. Evidently, this real self is not the ordinary ego.
And this clear knowledge is liberating, as all real knowledge is. Now I’m feeling more authentic than ever, and more free for to be who I’m really are, at every time, independently of the circumstances.