Some time ago I wrote in this blog a post named “Renunciation“, in which, as a conclusion, I wrote:
“I renounce to hope of receive happiness and love as a result of relationships with other human beings, they are too complicated, confused and weak. Indeed, I renounce to search and find happiness in this crazy world.”
Well, easy to say, but not so easy to do, right? Lately I have had a few bad days, having disappointments with near people, that let me toward a bit depressed state. Fortunately, this episodes helps me to improve myself, reflecting about the causes within myself. Seems my renunciation is not so complete, hmmm…
I discovered that I still have desires about the people behavior with me, specially the loved ones. This is so natural desire, right? But, it can be very destructive, I know it so well.
My parents had strong desires related to the expected behavior of the partner; this expectations never was fulfilled, and as a consequence, both attacked each other for years, resulting a painful life, and a bad end. Both was very good persons, with good heart, but their frustrated desires generated anger and suffer.
It is said that frequently sons and daughters repeat the unhealthy relationship patterns of their parents; well, maybe it was my case, not so hard as my parents was, but I have suffered too this failed expectations, as my wife too. And also my son is not the kind of boy I was expecting.
On the other hand, to have desires is necessary for to live, I think. Thanks to have desires, I have a nice house, a career, a good job, and a family. Both forces, desire and will to achieve the objects of desires, are our fuel for live, right?
But, I think we must have a clear power of discrimination for decide which desires we follow. In relationships field, the desire about people behavior is one of this desires that need care. We have one powerful instrument in our hands: the will to elevate our goals. Desire is always before will: we need to desire a higher live, a more spiritual one, less selfish. I remember now the words of a swami in a chat some months ago: “elevate, elevate, always elevate your life and mind“.
So as a result of my recent bad days, I’m trying to elevate my desire: my ego are still alive, asking for a “good” behavior of my beloved ones, generating selfish desire, but my will now is to change this desire to another at high level: the behavior is not so important, it depends on mood, thoughts, circumstances, and other temporal things; the really important are the self in the people, hidden behind the ordinary mind. If I really love a person, I have to look beyond, and try to help them, not judge them. In fact, this is the definition of a loving person: never judges us, always want to help, if we need it, right?