It happened one night, a few years ago. I was dreaming a nightmare, a bloody and violent one, I don’t remember the details, but now is not important at all.
I have to add now an important detail: I hate terror movies, bloody, gore ones and so. To get fun watching how other human beings are bloody killed is not in my temperament since my youth.
In the middle of the night, with the horror of the nightmare, I suddenly woke. In the dark of my bedroom, one question arise in my mind: how it can be that a guy that hates terror movies has these awful scenes in their mind? As I have said, I had just woken up, so I was in these mind state between to be asleep and to be full awareness. Otherwise, the question would have a quick and obvious answer: you have had awful scenes in your mind because you are dreaming, is your subconscious that makes this scenes, not you. But in these middle state, my conscious mind can’t answer the question, and the question entered, if I can say it in this way, deepest in my mind.
Then, I felt sleep again, and it happens. I’ll try to describe with words what happened, but I have to say that is almost impossible to do. First, I experienced an absolute, unlimited, pure feeling and conscious of goodness. It was an extreme goodness, without conditions, without any object. Nothing can disturb such perfect kindness. Moreover, it had a peculiar feature impossible to describe, I only can say seems pure love plus pure kindness self-contained, self-maintained. Pure loving-kindness.
In these time, I was sleep, true, but, the conscious and the feeling was real, and I never forget it. In fact, my state in these time was similar to the one that we can experience in lucid dreams. So I was able to really feel these such high state.
Deep in my mind arise the idea that these high conscious have appeared as a answer of my question: how is possible that I dream such awful dreams? But then, another question arises in my mind: wow, this is wonderful, such loving-kindness and peaceful state, but, you know, to be so kind implies also to be weak, this is a common though.
Immediately, as a reaction, the loving-kindness conscious disappears, and another conscious arises, a very different one: energy! An extreme, unlimited, field of energy. As before, hard to describe it. But it was an answer for my second question: the origin of the kindness also was the origin of this unlimited energy, and I can say that it was terrific, such amount of pure energy is able to destroy all, and is not weak at all!
Then I wake again, but this time I cannot be able to fall sleep again, because the feelings was too strong: God, what was that? A lot of questions were coming: seems as “somebody” answer my two questions, but who? But I experienced this high conscious by myself, so, “somebody” put it in my mind … how is it possible? I was very confused.
Next days I cannot leave my questions nor forget the feelings. I tried to search some information about it in the Internet. Maybe I have connected with an angel? Only a higher being can produce such conscious states. But why? And the most difficult thing for to understand: how is possible that I live in my own conscious such states?
With time, I become able to accept the truth: this states was my own states, not property of any other being, but mine. Deeply hidden in our own conscious there are such high states. In the Hindu philosophy the name for them is the Atman: the spark of God in us.
Usually, our mind acts as a wall between our daily conscious and Atman conscious. When we are sleep, this wall can fall apart, so in some cases we can be aware of the Atman magnificence. I can say now that this short episode of my life, just a minute or so, are changing my mind and my life, slowly but without stop. My perspective has changed. I know now we are much more than we can imagine, all of us.
PD: Sorry for my bad English, I’m trying to improve it…