For a long time the word and concept of “renunciation” has dwelled in my mind, in the sense of “liberation”, as the quote of Mahatma Gandhi means:
An American journalist once asked Gandhi: “Can you tell me the secret of your life in three words?”
“Yes,” chuckled Gandhi. “Renounce and enjoy.”
Easy to say, but hard to do and even hard to understand, in fact, is feasible only for a very free mind, because all of us are focused on the contrary: to have more and more, to achieve more and more, and so on.
And this was my case too, until a few months ago. Today, I have decided to renounce too. Why? and, renounce to what?
- When I was a child, I saw evil and cruelty in some classmates, they was only six years old! In fact, I had to bear a hard bullying from those little monsters. It was long time ago, before the modern mean of the word “bullying” was invented.
- I have seen nice people, who promised to respect and love when they married, fighting between them, destroying their happiness, and becoming bitter people. And I saw it very very near, too near indeed.
- I have seen a whole family, parents, aunts, cousins, grandparents, granduncles, all sitting in a table sharing a lunch, starting to argue, become very angry, and finally break off … forever! Some of this relatives never saw each other again!
- I have seen, in news, movies and documentary films, the unbearable horror that human being can produce himself.
- I have loved a lot some people, and I have loved a bit many people, who now don’t talk to me anymore, or are died.
- I have fallen deeply in love three times in my life, but all the times the story ended bad, for different reasons, with a lot of suffering and pain as a result.
- I have seen broken my dreams about to have a nice own marriage and family. This harmed me a lot.
- I have seen to die beloved people, some in unfortunate accidents, some due to cancer, so I have visited the graveyard too many times
- I have seen some relatives, who time ago were healthy and happy people, reduced to a cruel physical and mental state due to age and degenerative diseases, like Alzheimer disease; they are not living, they are only surviving without any of the good things of life, punished to live in a hell on earth.
- Lately, I’m feeling the first symptoms of aging on myself and my wife, remembering me that the end is getting closer, and is a bad end for sure. With luck, not a very bad one, but without luck, it can be a very bad one. And nobody can control how will be his end, no matter how many effort we put in to care our body, the end is uncertain but sure.
For all this reasons, I decide to renounce… to what?
- I renounce to hope of receive happiness and love as a result of relationships with other human beings, they are too complicated, confused and weak. Indeed, I renounce to search and find happiness in this crazy world.
Now I’m sure that endless and unconditional happiness only can be find within ourselves. When we find it, then we can share it with other beings without any conditions nor requirements: freely. So my only desire right now is to renounce all my old desires and leading my mind towards inner happiness, as a lot of old spiritual traditions proclaims since centuries ago, maybe Buddhism is the best example of this way of see the reality.
And I’m sure of it due to my own life experience, not due any theoretical knowledge nor for blindly following any spiritual guru nor faith. So I have written this post hoping my own experience can help somebody a bit to find, earliest than me, the true, avoiding unnecessary pain. I hope so.